Amy's Homemade Old Fashioned Irish Cream
(originally appeared in culturecloud)

A dozen years ago, the holiday season found me in self-imposed exile from my friends as the result of a messy breakup, living alone in a studio in San Francisco’s Ashbury Heights. As others reveled in goodwill and joy, I spent late hours at the office, where I toiled miserably as the mis-cast manager of a trade show production group, with only the thought of a double-shot of Xanax at bedtime to keep me going.

It was in this state of self-indulgent Scroogeness that I received an unworldly visitor — not a ghost of Christmas past, present, or future, but my comically overqualified marketing manager, who was making the rounds with gifts for her favorite co-workers. Mine landed on the desk with a satisfyingly solid thud: a green-tinted corked bottle filled to the top with a thick white elixir. Specifically:

Amy's Homemade Old Fashioned Irish Cream

Combine:

• 1 tsp. vanilla
• 1.5-2 cups blended whiskey
• 1 14 oz. can condensed milk
• 1 12 oz. can evaporated milk
• 1 T strong coffee—approaching double-strength

Shake for one minute. Add 3 eggs, shake, and strain. Yields roughly one quart, with some left over for the bartender; multiply as needed for mass production. Keep refrigerated. Excellent on the rocks, chilled, over ice cream, in coffee, or sipped with a straw. Or, in my case, guzzled straight from the bottle in the solitary glow of holiday-themed sitcoms, eyes damp as my sense of humanity struggled back to life, a reluctant smile toying with the corners of my mouth, my hand hovering over the phone.

Flash forward to last night: with the kids in bed, Amy whipped up her latest batch and apportioned it among flip-top glass flasks and mason jars for various teachers, babysitters, friends, and neighbors — putting one aside for her former manager.

This recipe is highly recommended for holiday gifts en masse, as well as for seducing your boss or satisfying your own sweet tooth any time of year.